Abrupt .

Today i ran away from a particularly difficult situation (this i do many a times ). I can  say I’m a true  believer of ESCAPISM . It’s a very spontaneous thing – escape. Some might say it is a heady rush of avoiding situations , the momentous burst of joy and then the blues hit . Later on today i will sit ( imagine a meditation mat , a very calm girl , serene expression ) and go through my day  , feeling extremely guilty  .

Its a difficult thing , leaving everything and showing your self  to the door .Maybe i let down a lot of people due to my illicit desire for  escape  but at that point of time it was  a must , or so i believe  ( i must believe ).  You might even go to the extent of calling me selfish for running away when things looked good ,  happy ,  pleasant . But i have my reasons . I know how it ends , then why not avoid the unspeakable (  the hushed end ).

Have you ever read  one of those books where we as the readers get the liberty of interpreting the ending . Most of us will imagine a happily ever after ( with dream like quality of the  Disney movies ) and some of us will imagine a gone girl kind of ending  ( stuck in happily ever after but not so happy after all ) . I am an avid gone girl fan so that’s what i trust will happen .

After the flighty escape of mine  ,  I might come back  (couple of days or months   later , teary eyed , needy me ). I know for sure i would see you matching my exceptions and sitting there just where i left you with another girl in your arms staring at the sunset . Getting your kind of happily ever after .

There i would be staring at you with nothing but these words hanging by my lips ,  along with a heavy heart and  a panicked mind  . Getting the my type of ending      ‘Abrupt’.

 

 

 

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Nostalgia or depression ?

Maybe there is something about nostalgia we can never understand .

I was sitting on my armchair , sipping coffee , looking at the raindrops falling on the window panes (very cliche scenario with a movie like quality ) and thinking about an experience i had not very long ago. Some would say it was one of a kind glorious experience while others would say it was a heart wrenching terrible experience . Here I’m the others  but then why do i feel so nostalgic about something that bad ? Why do i get pangs of longings for a person i barely knew (i tried )? Why does thinking about him make me feel so bad about myself , guilty , horrendous…so many words to describe a single feeling . I think i know why this happens . The simple answer is nostalgia . Nostalgia drags you into ethos of memories that could be dark or endearing. It’s a spin-wheel , one might just get carried away or one might feel good (those warm fuzzy memories exist for people i reckon ).

I could be depressed not nostalgic you might argue . But today i leaning towards nostalgia .